Don’t you ever feel as if god is just against you. In all you do. Doesn’t it ever feel like he’s just not there watching out for you? It’s hard not to question where he has gone. It’s like your guardian has left the building. He followed Elvis right out the door, but you’re waiting for an encore. Well here I am. Still waiting. A note has yet to be played. Everyone got their wish, their hope, their truest desire. I’m still here though. I’m here praying now that he’ll come back and at least grant me the strength to make it through the days. The days of feeling just really left out and abandoned. What happened? Where did it all go? Even though I feel like there’s something more for me out there, it doesn’t work. It’s not in the cards. Even though I want to branch out, I’m not a quitter. I wont leave like so many others have. I’ll smile while shoved in the back. I’ll smile while inside I want to shout.  

It’s been a while. Such a long while.

I was cleaning yesterday. I dusted over memories and countless knickknacks. I found one picture. Just a mere photo that really wasn’t taken at any special time. It made my heart hurt. As I sat down to study it, I realized why it hurt. It’s a terrible thing to miss someone. Most of all when that person is still here. It can bring about a never ending cycle of thoughts that refuse to find a conclusion. When someone leaves your life in a certain way, no matter how long ago, they leave a hole in your heart.

I have a deep one in mine. One that I know wont ever be filled by anyone else.

People aren't the same. They have different opinions and no one can ever see eye to eyes on everything. But tolerance is what makes blood from shedding. Keeping an open mind and always remembering that your opinion isn't right for everyone shows what an understanding person you are. Some people haven't mastered that concept.

Who cares that I don't go to Church every single Sunday. I love God and speak to him daily. He's MY savior and I can read about him (like I do every night) without being around one hundred people. I think gay people aren't horrible. They've never done anything to me. I know gay person and love him with all my heart. Who cares? He's awesome. I'd spend all my time with him if I could. I don't sleep. Oh well. I'm a night owl. Perfect for my health? No. But it's my health. I don't tell people no enough. I like to make them happy when they deserve it. So why not help if you can?

For some reason a certain person doesn't get this about me and never will....

What makes a feeling right or wrong? What justifies that reasoning? Is it a friendship, or more, or less? Where does it go? For once, why don't you answer that question. I'm tired of asking them with only silence in return.

Maybe what I feel is just a figment. Is it wrong to settle? And if you do, how do you know you're settling with the right one? Or even the decent one? That feeling deep down in the pit of your stomache your suppose to get...it's not there. It was...but I've felt it fade. Do I want it back? Of course! Will it come back? I doubt it.

What makes it right or wrong....?

Another failure to add to my list. It was first place material. I felt it in my damn grasp. It was there! And then ripped away. I wanted to throw up my insides due to disappointment. I also wanted to vomit due to certain cast memebers.
A little note from me to you:
NEVER DO ANOTHER SHOW YOU MORONS!!!!!! WE DON'T WANT YOU AROUND ANYWAYS!!!!
We should have won. All this work and all this time, it felt like MY show. I put all my thoughts and creativity into it and then it counted for nothing.
Two and a half months of perparing for a win...
3rd.